Thursday, December 22, 2011

T-minus less than one year!

Greetings dear readers! Happy Yellow Jeep Girl coming to you from the tiny fortified mountain town of Buena Vista. As you may have noticed, yesterday marked the one year anniversary until the end of the world as we know it. If you have not yet begun to make final preparations for your bomb shelter, now is t he time to get a move on. If you will be bringing children into your bomb selter, as many of our friends will be doing, I recommend stocking up on breast milk because you never know what sort of contaminants may be released into the environment and thus absorbed into our bodies.

On a happy note, congratulations to all our bomb shelter friends who will be bringing the next generation intothe new world as we know it and we look forward to meeting your little bundles of joy in June.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Tim Tebow: Harbinger of the End of the World?

Howdy, loyal blog followers! Happy Yellow Jeep Girl here with all the latest news you can use for the end of the world count down! I hope you all are making the final adjustments to your bomb shelters as we are thisclose to the 365 day count down.

As many of you may have heard and or seen, the Denver Broncos football team has a new quarterback: Beloved of Jesus TIM Tebow. For the past week, Beloved of Jesus Tim Tebow, or Tebow for short, has been winning games in the very last possible moments with the closest possible scores allowed in football. After all of his wins, Tebow then drops to one knee and offers prayers of gratitude to the Christian god. Lately, I have been noticing on my friends' Facebook walls that the near-misses have been causing then chest pain and stress. This is a very interesting phenomenon, and one that I think we should all be wary of, as I will explain.

The bible states that at the end of the world, the faithful will be taken up to heaven and the rest of the not as faithful will be left down here to duke it out with Satan and his hoards of demons. Similarly, the World Health Organization states that too much stress can induce heart attacks. Ergo, Beloved of Jesus Tim Tebow's come from behind last minute wins are not the result of "good" football playing and strategy but rather have been designed by Jesus to speed the process of getting the faithful into heaven.

Now, you may ask if I am insinuating that only Denver Bronco fans are worthy of eternal salvation, and the short answer is yes. Few teams fans have suffered more than we have and the bible says those that are last on earth will be first in the kingdom of heaven. Furthermore, in the final book of the Maze Runner trilogy The Death Cure by James Dashner features Denver as the promised land for the people escaping from the bad guys. Most importantly, the Rocky Mountain region is where the capital is located in the Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins. If.Denver were not the chosen city, then why all these "coincidences"??

In conclusion, dear readers, be glad that you live in Colorado and if you don't, get here as fast as you can because we don't have much time to waste.