Saturday, January 9, 2010

New show on the History Channel

Greetings Dear Readers,
Pink Panda and I would like to apologize for the lack of postings as of late, and it is our New Year's Resolution to remedy that. That being said, I wanted to share with you all a new show on TV that I have discovered. It is called After Armageddon and it is basically a show that follows some well-meaning but seriously under-prepared people for two hours. When any show has to have the disclaimer "This is NOT a real emergency" you know it is going to be awesome! But it brings up some interesting points that should be remembered by everyone who is going to survive 2012. If you have not seen this show, the premise is that there is a global flu pandemic and many people have died, but there are a few who have survived. The show follows one fictional family on their journey from LA to Idaho during the mass chaos and anarchy that follows the collapse of society.

Because I was taking a nap after a grueling day at work, I did not catch the beginning of the show but I woke up when I heard Armageddon-talk. The fictional family did many things wrong during the early stages of this mass human extinction including not having a bomb shelter ready and not leaving at the first signs of trouble. Because they waited, they were forced to scavenge supplies from the flu victims, avoid armed gangs who had taken over the roads, and drag a dead guy out of his Dodge Durango, only to have it fall victim to better-prepared scavengers who drained the gas tank by poking a hole in it. However, if these people had followed the Simple Survival of the Librarian Rules of Survival, they would have been fine. So, loyal followers, I recommend printing this list out and keeping it in hard copy, just in case the Internet goes down and you can no longer access our wisdom.

Simple Survival of the Librarians Rules of Survival
1. Do NOT wait until the shit has hit the fan to get out of Dodge. Start making your bomb shelter now, and keep it well-stocked so that you can leave at the first sign of trouble, nay, before the first sign of trouble. If you wait, you will be sorry.

2. Get a 4 wheel drive vehicle and learn to 4-wheel off road. Do not take main roads when planning your escape because they will be nearly impassible if it is not possible to get out of town before the disaster. I am not talking some namby-pamby Chevy Suburban. You will need a Jeep or a Range Rover. Also, dirt bikes or ATV's would work in a pinch. You may want to have both, depending on the terrain you need to cross. Also very important is a full-size spare, extra windshield washer fluid, oil, anti-freeze and a winch (or tow rope if traveling with a group.)

3. Stock up on water. This is very important. You can only go three days without water, but you can go 30 days without food. Also, stock up on gasoline because all our wonderful technology does not run without gasoline. Get a bunch of freeze dried and non-perishable food too because when the electricity is off, the refrigerator will not be working. You will also want to get lots of toilet paper. Trust me.

4. Get a gun, or guns, and tons of ammo. Go to the shooting range and learn to use your gun. This is necessary for personal protection as well as for hunting purposes so you can have some fresh meat to add to your dried peas.

5. Plan your bomb-shelter group well in advance of any disaster and make a group getaway plan. This will keep you from having to travel alone and there is safety in numbers. People will be more likely to attack and take advantage of a group of three than a group of ten.

6. Start camping now, so that you can get used to living outside and not taking showers for a while. Also, camping supplies can come in handy when there is no society on which to rely. Another outdoors-y thing that is good to learn is what kind of plants you can eat in the wild. Go to Barnes and Noble or and buy a handy giude that you can keep with you.

I am sure that Pink Panda will have more to add to this list but for now that is all. Good night and good luck.

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