BREAKING NEWS!!!

One of our dedicated followers, Christina, has brought it to our attention that the Scientologists, a noted crazy cult, has commenced building an underground bunker near Rock Springs, WY for purposes as yet unknown. We will continue to update this important story as new information becomes available...

Bomb Shelter Shopping List

First of all, as a follow-up to the two most recent posts-I am putting Pink Panda on the mission to further research the loo solutions for the bomb shelter, since this is a very important issue. Thank you Pink Panda, and we look forward to hearing what you found out!

Now, I am going to add some more items to the list of bomb shelter necessities, all of which can be picked up at your neighborhood bulk retailer:

1. Giant package of TP. Trust me, unless you want to start using leaves, you will want to get at least 1 package, if not 20.

2. Multiple bottles of chocolate syrup. For chocolate milk-DUH!

3. Large tub of oatmeal. Oatmeal is a delicious staple and can be made for all 3 meals of the day.

4. 20 lb. sack of rice, also a staple food that lasts a long time and really fills you up.

5. A massage chair to help relieve the stresses of living underground while who knows what is going on above you.

Bomb Shelter Loo Solutions

Dear readers, one of our delightful blog followers, Ole One Eye, brought up this very interesting question--Where does one go #2 in the bomb shelter? Well, Ole One Eye, I am glad you asked that so I can address this very important issue.

Bomb shelter bathrooms are often overlooked on survival blogs. A Google search on "bomb shelter bathrooms" does not yield satisfactory results, so I am afraid we are on our own. My suggestion, and especially if you plan on being in your bomb shelter for a while, is to build a septic system underneath it and get lots of Rid-x. However, we realize that not everyone's budgets can afford this, so another good option is the good ol' coffee can. Think about it-it is large enough where you don't have to aim too much and it has a lid that can be replaced to keep in the smell. These coffee cans can also be used as defensive mechanisms--simply throw them at intruders; they will be so grossed out that they will turn tail and run, forgetting all about what they came to rob you for.

Bomb Shelter Reader's Advisory, Part 1

In addition to needing something to read while in the can, everyone is going to need something to read to keep their minds stimulated while they are in the bomb shelter. Dr. Oz on Oprah says that everyone should do at least 10 minutes of brain stimulating activity-reading, crossword puzzles and sodoku (however you spell it)-each day. And since I don't understand suodouku at all (nor do I care how to learn, I think it is an Asian conspiracy to control the minds of the Americans and make them waste all their time when they should be working instead of sitting around playing games all day) I am going to recommend some books that should be in everyone's bomb shelter library.

1-The Prince by Nicolo Machiavelli. This is the quintessential book for learning how to run a country successfully. And since we will be in charge of running the country that we create after it is ok to come out of the bomb shelter, we all need to be on the same page as to how we are going to handle it.

2-Utopia by Thomas More. For those of you unfamiliar with the Greek language, the word "utopia" comes from the Greek words for "no place." Well of course More's utopia was no place in 16th century England, they didn't even have to worry about bombs and nuclear war and the end of the world. But for us appraching the end times, this is another book that you should read, outlining the ideal society to create when you can start from scratch.

I am sure Pink Panda will have more to ad to this list, but for now, dear readers, I encourage you to go down to your local Barnes and Noble and pick up these two indespensible books. You will be glad you did.

Bomb Shelter Communication

So the topic of ham radios came up this weekend, and I wanted to give you, dear fellow survivalist followers of our blog, some advice on the topic.

First of all, when the shit has hit the fan and all communication systems are broken down, the only way to communicate will be via ham radio. Now, this is not a radio that is shaped like that tasty meat, but some kind of contraption where you have a call sign and a special signal and you can talk to like-minded people. Now I am not excatly sure of the ins and outs of the "ham radio" so I have recruited one of my friends who is a ham radio operator (and as a bonus, he is certified in Morse Code) to come into the bomb shelter along with his completely awesome girlfriend (sorry ladies, he is taken) to be our communication specialist.

So how should you go about finding your own ham radio operator? Well, I suggest Craig's List. Or possibly eBay. You could try finding one on MySpace or Facebook as well. The one thing that I do know, however, is that you can't have ours, so get your own!

Stockpile Gold and Silver?

HECK NO! Ok, look at it this way- can you eat gold? Well, I guess technically you could. But it is not a good idea. And when there is a complete breakdown of our banking system and society as we know it, people are going to be more concerned about getting food and we will enter into a barter system where I will say, "Hey, I have some extra eggs from my 27 chickens, and I need some ammo for my gun." and you will say, "Ok, I will give you 20 bullets for 50 eggs." and I will say, "Deal!" That is how a barter system works people! I am not going to say "Please give me 3 pieces of non-edible gold and I will give you 20 eggs." Nope. Not going to happen.

That being said--you SHOULD stockpile farm animals. I know, it might be smelly and cramped in the bomb shelter with Daisy the milk cow and some crazy chickens running around, but hey, our ancestors in the Middle Ages did it (and some in the Middle East still do it!) and it won't kill you. (Unless your cow has Mad Cow diesase, or the chickens sleep on your face and suffocate you with their feathers, but that is a whole other blog entry entirely.) The best way to avoid this scenario is to build your bomb shelter with a seperate area for livestock. And, you can use their poop for compost for your garden!

Things you need to survive what's coming-Part 1

1. A getaway car. This is why I can't sell my Jeep. A hybrid won't be able to crawl over rocks and debris on the road when you are trying to get away from the city and to your bomb shelter if you should have the misfortune of being caught unawares. And you should probably get a lot of extra gas too, since Jeeps are not gas sippers.

2. A bomb shelter. Preferably in the mountains.

3. Good friends. And their husbands. Because it would get lonely in the bomb shelter if it was just your crazy ass alone down there. Plus, if you have to repopulate the world, you want your kids to have someone other than themselves.

4. Wine. And beer for the boys so we can keep all the wine for ourselves. Seriously, who wants to live in a post-apocalyptic world without this nectar of the gods?

5. Guns. Tons of them. Because you never know what is lurking outside of your bomb shelter.

Survival 101

This is a blog created by two great friends from library school who are going to build a bomb shelter and live in it because surely the end times are upon us.